When She Dreams
by RT4ever
Summary: Carby a little over a year in the future Short and finished...Thank you for the replies.
1. A dreamless sleep?

_When She Dreams…_

She wondered if she should pray before she slipped into bed. She hadn't prayed since she was a little girl, when she'd pray to God to fix her mom. She shook her head and realized that was a lie; she'd prayed for Eric, she prayed he'd find his way home. She prayed when John went to the Congo, she prayed for days upon days, she prayed until he found his way home. She stopped praying when she got that letter, she forced herself to stop, she forced herself to stop feeling, and she forced herself to stop caring whether he was living or dead. She at least forced her brain to stop thinking about it and she learned to ignore her heart. In her thirty two years on this earth, she had learned her lesson well about forcing herself to not care. 

It was only when she went to sleep….

She'd been fine that first year, it was just the occasional dream about him, dreams that their life together hadn't changed. It had though, he moved on, he had Kem; he had Matthew, that sweet little boy he almost never saw, yet he was so devoted to them. 

These past few months though, she'd kept dreaming about him. Dreaming about the life they should have had together by now. The life they should have had if that letter hadn't come in the mail nineteen months ago…

She slipped into bed without the prayer and hoped instead that working for sixteen hours would send her into a dreamless sleep.

_"Good morning" his beard tickled her throat as he kissed her neck._

_"You need to shave" she giggled as she pushed his head away._

_"Too lazy" he nuzzled into her neck some more_

_"You have work" she said fake pushing his head away_

_"Why is it I have to go to work and you don't?" he said lifting up to look into her eyes_

_A cry suddenly came from across the room and they both groaned._

_"You're aware that you did that right?" she said looking at him_

_He gave her a little boy grin and rolled away from her and off the bed. He scooped the infant into his arms "Lissa, why do you always have perfect timing?" She calmed down as she looked into her daddy's eyes._

_"Because she knows you have work in less than 40 minutes. Did you hit the snooze again without realizing it?"_

_"Shit" he said handing Alissa off to her._

_She laughed as he hustled to the shower. "Isn't Daddy funny Lissa?"_

The dream zoomed forward as dreams do….

_"Wow you showered today" was his greeting as he walked into the room._

_She laughed "Mrs. Winslow watched Liss, see I told you I'd learn to delegate." She allowed him to pull her into a chair on top of his lap._

_"I'm very proud." He kissed her neck, "I don't suppose you feel like delegating again?" he asked as he started to kiss lower._

_"Don't need to, I put her down in the nursery about ten minutes ago." _

_He turned her face to look into his eyes "Tell me you're not kidding."_

_She just smiled. She screamed as he jumped up from the chair with her in his arms, her arms went to his neck. He took off to the stairs with her in his arms. He didn't stumble once up those stairs, he was a man on a mission; there was no time to spare. He lifted her face to his once he got to their rooms, their lips connected; he let her slide of his arms. She went to pull off her shirt, but he caught her hands. "Oh no that's my job"_

She could barely breathe when she woke up; her entire body ached for Carter to be lying next to her. He wasn't though, he never be there again. Their time was over; she wished her heart could just accept that.

She started to wonder for the millionth time if she should go somewhere besides County…She knew though that she'd never leave, those people were her family. She had no choice but to get up and spend another day with him, but not being with him.


	2. Sweet Dreams

"Where's Carter?" Kerry screamed "we've got a MVA coming in"

"On-call room, I'll go get him." Abby offered, wanting to be away from Weaver's wrath.

She paused for a moment as she walked in, she looked at his restful features and it ate her up alive to know that this was the only time she'd see it. "Carter," she ducked down to his level and shook him lightly.

"Abby" he murmured and rolled towards her voice

Her breath stopped, her heart broke just hearing him say her name like that killed her. She tried to open her mouth to tell him about the accident, but she couldn't speak.

"Abby" his arm stretched out, seeking her, finding her. "Love you….Love you so much."

"John?"

"So much…Love you…Abby….So much…"

She couldn't stay there, she stood up and his hand fell away from her hair. She ran out of the room letting the door slam. He sat up startled. He rubbed his fingers together; he could still feel her hair in his fingers from his dream…she'd felt so close…but she wasn't....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He watched her in action, he always watched in action, he'd always been so proud of her, but now after that year of hell pulling double duty, he respected her even more than he had before which was hard to believe. She was with a little girl now, she wasn't doing anything even the slightest bit doctor related. She was sitting with the girl up on a gurney, her parents had been brought in that accident, they were still waiting for an aunt to come in and pick her up. 

He used to dream of the family they'd have…Long before she was with him, when she was still with Luka, he'd dream about the day they'd come home to their kids. He almost sold Gamma's house because he couldn't bare the thought of living in it with Kem, raising their kids there and not his and Abby's. At the very last minute he backed out, because with Kem back in Africa he couldn't remember why he was throwing away so much of his family's history. He didn't live in it of course, it was rented out, but he hadn't run away from that like he'd run away from Abby.

"Ask her to forgive you"

He was startled by Luka's voice "Huh?" he tried to deny he knew what he was talking about.

"You know what I'm talking about, don't be too proud to beg."

"Why is it people in relationships always try to shove others into them?"

"You ended things with Kem what four months ago?"

"Almost five"

"Five months and Abby still doesn't know."

He pretended to look at a chart, hoping Luka would go away knowing he wouldn't.

"She's never going to forgive you unless you ask."

"She wouldn't even if I asked."

"What do you have to lose by asking?"

He turned to Luka "I left her, I left her the cruelest way possible. I ended our relationship through a letter, I got someone else pregnant weeks after, if you were her would you forgive me?"

"Good point" he said then looked down at his chart

John looked back to where Abby had been and found she was gone. He sighed and looked back down at the chart and attempted to focus.


	3. Honesty

"I'm so glad you finally came out." Abby said as she took a sip of her drink

"I had no choice, Luka and Alex kicked me out of the house. Something about male bonding..." Sam gave a fake frown as she finished and took a sip of her beer.

Abby and Neela laughed at this, they how thrilled Sam was by their relationship, they'd been married for three months now. Alex called Luka 'Dad' and Luka still glowed every time he heard it, so did she, she just tried to hide it harder than he did. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night progressed Neela and Sam got steadily drunker, Abby was getting goofy from just being around them. 

"Oh my god, you guys missed it yesterday" Sam exclaimed as Neela was telling a story about a recent date.

"Hey!" Neela said shocked by Sam's interruption

"No no I'm going to forget if I don't say it now." Sam said as she pulled her chair closer to the table "Carter turned down a model yesterday, a model, she was like 5'10" blue eyed blonde eyed deal, she was the cover of last month's Cosmo."

Abby looked at her confused, "He does have Kem and a child."

Sam's eyes bugged open "Crap"

"Crap what?" Abby said raising an eyebrow

Neela hit Sam's leg "Oww" she screamed and rubbed her leg

"Sam focus" Abby said turning her friend's attention back to her

Sam seemed to sober up for a second, "He ended things with her five months ago"

"Oh" Abby's heart fell, they were over and he hadn't even told her

"No, no, it's not like that" Sam proclaimed as she moved closer to Abby "Luka thinks that Carter thinks that you think you'll never forgive him."

Sam had said it all in such a jumbled rush that Abby just blinked

"God dammit woman, he still loves you" Neela screamed from across the table and then covered her mouth.

Abby shook her head "No he doesn't, he left me, he left me and then him and Kem and then Matthew."

"Yea he doesn't love you that's why he stares at you whenever you aren't looking" Sam told her

Abby stared blankly

"Everyone knows but you, Abby; we've all been waiting and waiting. Jerry wanted to get a pool going." Neela told her as she cupped her friend's hand.

Abby just continued to stare

~~~~~~~~

She stood on his stoop for a minute before walking away, she walked back; she started to ring the doorbell, but then walked away. She finally rung the doorbell and panicked within a second and forced herself to stay there, then she realized it was 2am and this was probably the most asinine thing she'd ever done. She turned to leave as the door opened, she cursed silently as he sleepily asked "Abby?"

She turned around and smiled "Hi"

He rubbed his eyes and looked at her "Have you been drinking? I smell smoke."

She raises her eyebrows "You smell smoke, so you ask if I've been drinking?"

"You stopped, bars smell like cigarettes it's 2am and your eyes are bloodshot, kinda glazy looking."

"You're aware the 2am explains the eyes right? But I was at a bar, I was not drinking though."

"Oh" he was awake now, truly seeing her, wishing she was here for the reason he wished he was here for.

"You know this is stupid, I'm sorry I woke you up, go back to sleep."

"Abby you already woke me up; you might as well tell me what you wanted."

"No, no" she said shaking her head and going to turn away, "I'm really sorry I woke you up."

She started to step down but he run down in front of her and blocked her exit "Tell me"

His eyes gazed deep into hers, she had heels on and the fact that he was a step below her made it so they were eye level despite the fact that he had almost ten inches on her. She wondered if that pleading she saw in his eyes was in her mind or it was real?

"Please Abby" he begged

"No it's foolish, look I'm really sorry"

"So am I."

She titled her head confused, "You're sorry I woke you up?"

He closed his eyes "I'm sorry I left you." His eyes opened again "I'm not sorry for Matthew, I love him, but...I don't know I'm just sorry." He closed his eyes again, he dropped his head down.

"It's okay" she whispered

He opened his eyes to see her eyes glassy, he opened his mouth, but he was lost for words. He was confused; he didn't know what this meant. "You forgive me?"

"Yea"

He was still confused; his throat was scratchy as he asked "Abby do you understand what I'm telling you? I'm sorry we aren't married, I'm sorry we don't have children together, I'm sorry I threw away our future because I'm never going to love anyone like I love you."

She nodded as more tears formed in her eyes

"Abby do you still love me, can you really forgive me?" he asked desperately

She nodded

"Abby are you being serious?"

"Why the hell else would be standing on your doorstep at 2am?" her words came out in between sobs

"Oh god Abby" Carter cried as he took her in his arms, she stepped down and buried herself in his arms. "I'll never mess up again I promise, I'm never letting you go again

They stood on the at the bottom of the stairs just clutching each other.


	4. Phone calls

Sam thought her head was going to explode as the phone rang; she groaned and put the pillow over her head as Luka spoke into the phone.

The pillow lifted off of her head and her husband gazed down into her eyes, he kissed her lips and she forgot all about her head. "That was from Carter"

She looked at him puzzled

"He and Abby are halfway to Vegas."

"What?" She screamed sitting up in bed "Oh god" she woozily said as she placed a hand on the side of her head and fell into him

"You may have a big mouth when you're drunk, but you did good apparently. I now have to go work in the morning though."

"They're on their way to Vegas?"

Luka laughed "Carter said there was no way he was giving her a chance to back out."

"Wow" was all Sam could say

Luka leaned back onto the pillows with Sam on his chest, agreed and smiled. He was glad Carter had been given a second chance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1pm, a Vegas hotel room

"Are you aware of how many people are going to kill us when we get back?" John laughed

"Hey you were the one on at eight, I was at least on at 6, so Neela won't kill anyone."

"How drunk were they?"

"Drunk enough to tell me you rejected a model." She sat up and looked down at him "Why did you reject a model?"

"I'm kinda looking at her."

"A model though, seriously John." She said laughing and falling back into the pillows 

"Oh I'm sorry Mrs. Carter" he said leaning over her and reaching for the phone, "Should I call her now? Would that make you happy?"

"You try it and I kill you Mr. Carter." She said pulling him down to her "Hey we're both Dr. Carter now…That could get confusing."

"You know what?" he said smiling "I think we can handle that." He said as leaned back down to reclaim her lips once more.


	5. Waking Up

"Good morning" he nuzzled her neck

"You really need to shave." She said scrunching up her neck

"Too lazy"

"You have work" she whispered into his ear

"So do you"

She groaned

"The good news is I set the alarm a half an hour earlier than normal."

She pushed him back and glared into his eyes "You woke me up from sleep for sex?"

He laughed, "I can always let you go back to bed?"

She pretended to ponder it for a moment before pulling him towards her. Just then came the "MOM" coming running down the hallway.

Carter fell to his pillow about to weep as Abby got up to open the door. 

Alissa was standing in front of her holding a single pigtail "HE CUT OFF MY HAIR"

Matthew standing behind her saying, "She said she wanted a new hairstyle"

Carter tried to smother his laugh in his pillow, he was glad his children had such a healthy normal relationship, hatred at many times, but a normal relationship. The fact that Matthew only lived in Chicago during the school year hadn't affected their relationship yet. It probably helped that they didn't even have two years between them.

"John!" Abby screamed from the doorway annoyed by his laughter

Just then the baby started to cry from the next room.

"Fuck" Abby swore

"Mommy, you said a bad word" Lissa said looking up in shock

Abby groaned, Carter successfully smothered his laugh as he got out of bed "I'll go get Becca"

"Aren't you glad you set the alarm a half an hour early" she asked sarcastically 

He just laughed and kissed her on the cheek as he pulled Matthew with him 

"It seemed like a good idea at the time" Matt said as they walked away

Once more he stifled his laugh. He couldn't hide his smile though, he was the luckiest man in the world. 


End file.
